Day by Day

Perspective

2010-11-17T09:50:00.001-08:00

On our flight from DFW to North Carolina I snapped this picture.

It feels like cheating to me... Seeing the clouds and all their majestic splendor from this perspective. I feel like this view is for God alone. We were above a rain storm. As soon as we broke through the clouds on our decent it was cold, gloomy and dark... This is what I felt like inside.. The perspective my two feet give me.

I started my period yesterday. It sucks on so many levels. Besides the fact I am on a get away trip with my husband I am 5 days early and now irregular again... Most horribly I am not pregnant. This is my perspective... And it sucks.

Last night Wade put this picture as my screensaver. This morning as I woke up to a glorious sun rise I was reminded that through Jesus I am able to see Gods perspective. I am loved. I have everything He wants me to have. I am complete. I am not cheating by seeing the glorious scenery above the storm... God invites me to join him there. And honestly there is no place I would rather be.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

RESPECT

2010-11-09T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today President Bush was on Oprah. I never watch Oprah....no real reason but I do not always agree with her point of view. She is generous and for that I am grateful to her. Today I enjoyed hearing Bush reflect on his Presidency and the BIG decisions he made. I agree with him...with so many things from his faith in God to his devotion to family to his choice to go to war to many of his philosophies on standing firm to your own principles. I have an abundance of respect for him as a man and as a President. President Obama is not someone that I agree with or always like but I respect him. He is our leader and I will respect and follow.

It makes my stomach turn to hear other people throw punches at our Presidents. To question is one thing but what I hear and read is not questioning or respectfully disagreeing. What I see is rude, tearing, ugly, hateful and flat out evil comments. It is that motive and heart of disrespect that is tearing our country apart.

We need to be respectful, watchful of our tongues and united. We need to get business done together as American people. It really is simple...take turns. You go and then I.

No if's and's or but's about it

2010-11-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

I ovulated! It was painful. For 2 days it felt like I had just had surgery on my ovaries. Just really sore.

Another side affect. We will find out if it was worth it or not.

Rejoice! Rejoice! And again I say rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice. That is my song today :)

Last night in bible study we talked about what brings me closer to having affections for Christ and what robs me of my affection for Christ. I have been thinking and praying this morning that I just want Jesus, nothing else. I want Jesus more than a baby. I want Jesus more than money. It is when I sit still in the quietness of the morning and read the bible that I feel the closet to God. The birds chirping cheerful songs, the warm glow and warmth of the morning sun, a hot cup of tea, the promise of a new day...all things that make me fall in love with Jesus again.

Zits!

2010-11-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Seriously I thought I had paid my debt to the zit creator in high school! My chin seems to be a permeant place for a mountain of a zit these days :( Thank God my husband loves me for my heart and not my skin!

My conclusion is that the zits are a side affect of the hormones. Any easy price to pay.

Have you ever had a zit...not a little red dot.... I mean a geyser? We should start a support group :)

Website Crunch Time

2010-11-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

Check it out.....We would love your input!

www.montevistafarming.com/Development

We just added all the video for Harvest and the plant tour video will go up this weekend. I lived my career dream by working here! And now I am living the best of both worlds being at home with Hunter and still completing projects for the company I love :) You too can make your dreams come true. Just plan, prepare and pray!

Deep and Wide

2010-11-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

God's Love is deep and wide, deep and wide, there is a fountain flowing deep and wide. I love this song, grew up singing it. It is so true. God is a fountain of love!

I have been seeing so much of God in Hunter. The childlike love that pours out of him...the endless feeling of devotion and love I feel for him. God has made us in his image and I see that more every day, every time I stop to look, I see God.

We went into the city a few weeks ago to see Kristin finish the Nike woman's half marathon. Hunter was a champ! He had so many firsts and watching his eyes grow as big as saucers and being there as he was soaking it all in, seeing his excitement and a bit of his fear as he held tight to my hand on busy streets...it all lead me straight to the abundance of Gods love for me. It is when I am open and reflective that the most love and light pours into my life....we duh it is only when your eyes are open and you are paying attention that you able to see and understand what is happening around you.

I am on a train ride to heaven and I am learning to love every stop.

In my system

2010-11-02T20:54:00.001-07:00

I have completed taking Clomid a few days ago! No big emotional surge or any nagging side effects! Just swelling with hope and preparing for the worst at the same time.

I am preparing my mind and heart for the outcome God had planned for me. In the meantime I am living life!

Hunter and I went to work today at the almond plant. I sure do miss those people and the buzz of harvest. I am lucky to still be so close with them and look forward to life long friendships!

We watched the outcome of the elections tonight. The new house majority leader gave a heart warming speech! I really appreciate hard working people.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day 4

2010-10-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

Today has been easy. No headache. No trouble.

Day 3

2010-10-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

Busy morning. Woke up early. Picked up bagels at the store. Bible study with great women. Healing chat with Pastor Mike. Cranky kid. Fed a friends little dog and white bunny. Headache. Is the headache from the clomid or the day?

As for now I just want to lie on the couch.

I spill it all out here...especially my dirty laundry...for me being open and honest, allowing people in to see me, allowing the holy spirit the chance to move in is all a part of my process of healing. It is how my dirty laundry is cleaned.

Day 2

2010-10-27T14:55:00.001-07:00

I am crazy about this kid! Especially in the morning...it is by far his best time of day. He is sweet, obedient and just a riot to hang out with. Our pet sitting business has taken off and we are keeping busy watching peoples pets as they travel. This morning we were out in Mountain House and I just had to stop to take a few pictures. It has been so long since I was behind a camera. Not that I am a professional....I just love capturing his face and all of its expressions...most importantly the happy ones.

Day 2 is a good day. I do not feel any different. Just full of hope. My prayers have been so simple. Please. Please heal me. Please bless us with a child. Please prepare me for your will. Please give Hunter a best friend. Please.

It has been pressed upon my soul that I am not ready. I am not equipped for anything but what I have...the bad and the good. There are times I feel like my inability to get pregnant is directly tied to the consequences of getting pregnant before we were married. That is a lie I know, but convincing my heart has been a real chore. For years I have been fine with our choices and story....now I stumble, deal with embarrassment and shame....not of Hunter or Wade (my hero) but of myself.

I have been reading my bible more...gathering my armor because I know the devil has been close...and more importantly because the Holy Spirit has been closer preparing me. God is using me. He is using my mistakes and my success for his glory. This one small chapter of my life that is under a microscope right now...my infertility and sex before marriage have touched a soft spot that was not done healing. Now I am open and ready not only to be healed but to see what in the world God is going to do. Bring it.

Day 1

2010-10-26T15:58:00.000-07:00

12 months, 12 tries, lots of sex, too much timing not enough fun, 1 big cyst later here I am without a pregnancy. I still have not really cried about it....I get close at times but I chin up and start planning our next attempt.

Well the cyst is gone, Praise be to God, and starting today we are trying Clomid. A drug that makes sure I ovulate and on time. We will see if it works. I have high hopes.

I know God is the opener and closer of wombs. I am lying my emotion and faith in that alone.

A reminder

2010-10-13T10:39:00.001-07:00

We all have some trinket around our homes that trigger a sweet memory or encourage us or remind us of something special.

This is mine. It has been packed away for years with my college stuff. I recently came across it and had to but it in it's proper place... On my bathroom mirror.

The heart is from my high school ag teacher. Those 4 years in ag lead me, prepared me and encouraged me to go into the field of ag professionally. I went to Cal Poly and met the best friends of my life. I grew close to God. I had countless experiences that led me to be the woman I am today.

When I graduated I thought I was going to change the world... I was on fire. Life happens I realized I am normal too, you get busy and caught up in just making ends meet.

When I came across this trinket a few months ago I realized I still want to change the world. I still have that fire... And this trinket reminds me of that!

Every day I want to be on fire for what I believe in. I want to make our world a better place. I am not just normal.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-08-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Laundry! I am good at washing it... Not so good a putting it away. I have to tease myself by offering some sweet reward if I power through it.

Tonight someone is coming over so it must get done! Wish I was better at it...something to work on:)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:One of my biggest faults

Back From the Dead

2010-08-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am back. I have been adjusting to our new routine of being at home...and it is great. Bloging was a part of my day at work. The computer was always on and open....and I had plenty of opportunity to write...now that is not the case.

I am going to make a conscious effort to sit down and write once a day. so get ready for whatever comes out....ha...what is new right.

Today I am at moms house. Last night sis and I went through some old pictures. My dance pictures from high school....I could only remember the name of one of my dates....seriously....love did not come until later in my life obviously. I also found a picture of my great grandparents! Grandma Winey was wearing her wedding ring...they are old...and they sweetly hold hands. Now I wear that ring as I hold Wade's hand. Cool to think about. I miss her.

As for Hunter he is a handful....but what can I expect out of a 2 year old. Potty training is coming along. It has taken time and dedication, but I think we make a bit of progress every day. Training my puppy Laredo was much easier. Hunter has been biting his nails non stop...there is hardly any nail left. I do not like this new habit. I have tried over the counter polish to try and get him to quit....no luck. So now I spend my time researching remedies.

I am still not pregnant...I just found out about a cyst on my right ovary through an ultrasound. Not sure if it has much to do with not getting pregnant. It makes sense and is not the first time. I have been thinking a lot about how perfect Hunter is. Some people may had or still do judge me for getting pregnant so quickly and before I was married. As for my thoughts....God blessed me and taught me years of lessons in 9 months. He brought me closer to him. I am endlessly grateful for my child....especially as I realize getting pregnant is not a given. I would not change a thing...not one second.

Now for a funny story before we head to the beach. Hunter was 30 minutes into number 2 on the big boy potty when he called me over. Finally he was finished I thought. When I walked in his eyes lit up as he told me that he saw humpback whales. Where I asked....he pointed to his poop!....He went on about how they were swimming in the toilet. Quite the imagination this kid....ha!

2010-06-20T20:21:00.001-07:00

Today I am doulbly thankful! My dad has always been on my team, cheering for me endlessly. He has been a selfless model of ethics, morals, purposeful and intentional parenting and steadfastly centered on Christ! He is a big part of the reason I am happy and successful in life. He has always made me feel special and love.

Then came Wade and Hunter... Watching Wade with Hunter, hearing his prayers and seeing his hard work and devotion to making Hunter feel loved and special... My boys are more than just icing on my cake... The are the my second story of life!

Thanks Dad! Thanks Wade! For being incredible fathers who made the choice to do right by God and your families! Love you more.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Happy Father's Day Wade and Dad

Where I am today

2010-06-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

I want to start by saying I love being at home with Hunter...there is no place I would rather be. I know this is where God wants me and I am here...that alone is worth all the hard work to get here and will keep me here awhile.

This being at home chapter of my life is also new and different and I am far from settled into a routine. I am coming to a brutal realization that someone else knew my child better than I did....and that I am struggling to learn how to properly deal with tantrums, disciplining, eating right and keeping him away from the TV. As mothers I think there are times we all dream...that our house is clean, our children are fed healthy home cooked meals, we teach them endlessly, they are always safely entertained and they never disobey or through a fit when things do not go their way....but reality is far from that in my own home. Today a friend luckily had a tootsie roll in her purse that we could use to keep Hunter sitting in the cart...otherwise I still think I would be frantically chasing him all over Marshals.

I need to learn how to control, divert, discipline, teach and so many other things. I need to be prepared with my own tootsie rolls or proper words to guide my son into the proper place in life. I know that I am more than capable....I just feel heavy lately. Like I have or am failing him...

I know that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact I know that is the devil.

I love my son and I am going to do right by him always...I will not be perfect...there will be days I loose my temper or just get lazy...but I will learn, I will improve and i will try. That is what counts right?

On another front....I am not pregnant. Perhaps that just makes me a bit more emotional? I want to be...we are trying. It was so easy the first time with Hunter. But then again as I type these words my heart is settling into the fact that I just need to have time with Hunter. God knows me and he hears my prayers and I am keeping my fingers crossed that when the time is right we will be blessed again with a child.

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4

My lead singer

2010-04-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Is this real?

2010-04-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

It still does not feel right....to not set an alarm, to have NO concern for what time it is and to watch Wade drive away to work. Part of me thinks I am just on vacation...that this will end...and who knows maybe someday it might....but for today I just want to be in this moment. In the moment that Hunter wakes up and comes bouncing into my room with an ear to ear grin to find mommy, in the moments of circle time at the library and in the moment of the garden hose being the excitement of a hot day.

Seriously I am living my dream life.

Hunter...always know that you are our priority. You. Your health, your mind, your soul. You. Whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice we will be there to do everything in our power to give you the BEST we have to offer. Know that money and things are not what drive dad and I...you are...our family is. Today when daddy came home from work...you put one arm around both of our necks and said "family"...oh how precious and priceless that one word is to us son...and I hope it always is for you too.

Loving my Sister

2010-04-22T10:15:00.001-07:00

I just love her! I love her heart for people who suffer. I love watching her with Hunter. I love that she knows me...really knows me. I love her just as God created her to be.

I just want her to feel loved.

-- Post From My iPhone

I am nervous

2010-04-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

In just 36 hours I will no longer be tied to work a rigid schedule... I will be free to just be with Hunter. My heart is jumping with joy...we have worked so hard, I have cried so many times, we have prayed endlessly and now the time in in front of me...

I should be thinking a million wonderful things...but instead I am nervous and anxious.

Can I teach him as well as Sonia has?

Will I have the patients to endure his terrible twos?

It is ever possible for me to clean and organize the house the way I want it?

Will we fall back into debt after working so hard to get out of it?

Can I handle not having pedicures and other luxuries?

How many issues am I causing Monte Vista by leaving?

Will I miss the productiveness and success of working?...and the people?

Will Wade feel too much pressure as the sole provider?

I have no clue why my mind is chugging on these questions when my heart so simply knows without a doubt that this is the right choice for me, for my family. Perhaps, again I am learning that the right choice is not always the easiest choice.

I do know that God has had his hand in this plan and in the decision. I believe that he will pour out blessings upon us in this new season of our lives. I guess I am just feeling a little naked as all my leaves fall to the ground...and I am looking forward to the new growth I know is coming.

Friday at 4...my world changes then.

I QUIT

2010-04-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

I never have been much of a quitter....or at least I have tried to stick things out, give it my all. I have worked many jobs this far in life...childcare, waitress, vet hospital and almonds. Every past change of job has resulted from moving onto the next stage of my life...and now I get to make the change once more.

As of April 23rd I will no longer be Renee - wife, mother, full time operations director of a demanding almond packing facility. I will be Renee - 100% DEVOTED wife and mother. Wade and I have planned and prepared for this day. We have endlessly prayed. Now the time has come and I cannot wait. I wish Hunter understood right now what was going on....I just know he would jump up and down! He will know someday that Mommy and Daddy choose to put our family first, and that we did it ethically through hard work and planning. No short cuts. We paid off debt and reduced our spending in order to walk away from my salary.

I know that this is one of the best choices I will ever make in my life. I know the consequences of not having a plush budget and I also know the rewards of being home to raise our son. This is the right choice.

Quitting was HARD. I wrote a letter and sat across a large conference room table from the owner and just poured my heart out.... because that is how I roll. He took the news better than I had hoped! We are now 3 weeks into a 4 week phase out. I want to leave this place better than when I came. I want people to remember me fondly and with respect..... NOT as a lame duck.

Thanks Wade for being on the same page with me...for making this happen. For the rest of my life I will treasure these days to come. I am overflowing with love and respect for you.

Easter surprise!

2010-04-02T13:21:00.001-07:00

These arrived at the door and I wish you all could have seen his face! He loves ballons!

-- Post From My iPhone

Weekend Trip

2010-03-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

We took a quick trip to visit Ericka and Nathan...and ohh did the boys have fun! I love this picture of Dr. McSteamy and Dr McDreamy!

I also cherish my time with Ericka. The honesty and openness between us is like a breath of fresh air. We can talk, disagree, laugh and cry all in the same hour...and of course the food is always good!

Falling

2010-03-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am learning more about myself every day...and about life.. Perhaps that is what wisdom looks like...a collaboration of epiphany's. I always knew, because the bible told me so, that age came with wisdom. What I am loving today is that wisdom is not something you suddenly have or do not have, it is something that you acquire over time, over each lesson learned, over each triumph and each disappointment. All of that to say I think I am collecting a few tidbits of wisdom these days...and they feel more precious that diamonds.

I am an emotional, passionate, strong willed, go-get-em type of woman. I rise quickly and fall hard. At first I did not I ever want to fall, but I am realizing now that perhaps it is the falling HARD part that brings unnecessary pain without growth. Almost like a leaf on the most beautiful Oak tree, it must fall every year it is a part of it's necessary process of life. Have you ever watched falling leaves, they almost float. They are full of style and grace...they are gentle and meek. They slowly become a part of the soil which eventually energizes the tree to grow in the spring with an even further and stronger reach than before. I want to stop falling like a dense rock and start falling with grace and purpose. I want to fall in order rise again...except rise higher, stronger and wiser.

I can feel the season of my life changing...I have known it was coming for a while now. Change is never easy or simple...but it is required in order to grow...and oh how my souls craves growth at a pace that I have a hard time keeping up with. Big changes are coming and I want this change so badly. I have dreamed about it for 2 years. I have prayed about it every day. I have worked hard and sacrificed in order to make it happen and my husband, my right hand...he has worked even harder to see this dream come true. Now we are moments away.

I feel my leaves are ready to fall. And on Monday when they start coming down...I pray I have enough tidbits of wisdom in my heart to fall with grace, purpose and love.

2 Years

2010-03-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Wade and I celebrated 2 years of marriage! He is so good to me. There are a million times a day that I thank God for him...and I think wow God knew just what I needed! He loves me just as I am, he encourages me, he holds me accountable, I never get sick of him, he makes me laugh, he takes care of me when I am sick, he is an AMAZING father and he is a true leader. I love being married! Walking through the doors of our home brings me endless comfort and joy. I am full.

I found out that 2 years is a fiber anniversary. Wade took the time to look it up and order pillow cases with our names! I love them. We enjoyed dinner at my favorite place and Hunter behaved the entire meal!! When we got home Wade put our wedding video on!!!!!!!!!! What a treat to watch it. I have not seen it.....and watching it with him last night brought back so many beautiful emotions. March 15, 2008 was a magical day in my life....and it has only gotten better with time.

I hope to watch the video every year....I never want to forget the way I felt on that treasured day.

Snack time

2010-03-14T16:08:00.001-07:00

Oh does this kid love lollipops!

-- Post From My iPhone

Time Away

2010-03-12T21:14:00.000-08:00

I have always been the type to just toss a bag in the car and take off for a weekend adventure.

When Laredo was a pup we would hop on planes, travel in cars and crash at friends places. After Hunter made his debut I still got out for weekend very often....now my little man walks, has his own idea of what he wants to do and does not sit still. Traveling has become very complicated.

There are somedays I feel like complicated is bad and others I think complicated is beautiful. Seeing Hunter eyes explorer a new park and watching a huge smile creep onto his face, feeling him grab my hand and say "hurry mommy!" over and over until i picked up my feet, and holding him as he falls asleep after a long adventure filled day makes the 1200 pieces of luggage, while traveling WORTH IT! That is when complicated becomes beautiful.

Our weekend away in San Fran was perfect. Just an hours car ride, time with my parents, a to die for place to stay, perfect weather and a little adventure all made it a memorable weekend. And as always it is great to be home.

Solar

2010-03-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

For the past two months I have been working on proposals to replace some of our electricity needs with Solar Power! In the process of Hulling/Shelling, Packing and Shipping Almonds we use over $300,000 a year in electricity! I knew solar would be expensive, I knew solar would come with grants and government incentive for a business like ours, and in the long run I knew solar would have incredible financial reward...but I did not expect to have our carbon footprint outlined so simply.

By replacing one of our 9 electric meters with solar power it would be equal to planting 194 acres with trees.

I love that it was that simple for my heart to understand. I want this plant to be a place that is as wonderful for Hunter as it is for me. If we go through with this plan for solar I want to name my 194 acres of trees....aka our solar farm...Hunter's forest! Ha.

I really believe solar is going to happen in a big way for our country. I think it needs to. The rebates and incentives are tiered and over time they will disappear as more people get involved in solar. I also believe the technology will blow our minds in the years to come....I think of what the Iphone has done to cell phones and I have faith that something big is in the works for solar power.

Therefore it is really when not if for solar power. We each get to make that call. Same with DVD players...it was when will you toss your tape players and get a DVD player. Same with flat screen TV's, computers and so much more. But what I LOVE about solar technology is that it not only is cool but it comes without wires, it harnesses the primary God given source of energy and it makes our planet stronger and healthier.

I love solar.

Black or White

2010-03-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

Parenting is GRAY to me. Has Hunter terrible two's and his screaming/throwing/hitting/super clingy to mommy stage is "normal" or have I failed to teach him some necessary socialization skill...?? We make the best calls we can each day. There is no black or white, right or wrong. Each child is a master piece.

Moments like this video he is a fun loving, smart little boy and then other moments he is monster.

My mom would quickly say this is payback...and that history proves strong willed children when led correctly flourish in success....they are true leaders who rock this world for Jesus.

We are trying. I keep telling myself that we are trying to do everything we can for this little monster. To make him strong, healthy and happy. I pray that is enough and sleep well knowing there are way more sweet moments than I can count!

Signs

2010-02-24T15:24:00.000-08:00

USA beat Canada in the Winter Olympics ice hockey for the first time in a LONG time....and her sign reads this...silly girl.

As for Wade, he still has hope in Canada's Ice hockey team and in America's current health care system!

Spring is Here!

2010-02-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

We took Hunter out in his Jeep today...and he had so much fun! This is just an empty field across form the mall...

It has been too long since I have shared a picture of my baby almond trees! They are in full bloom and in a matter of weeks they will be green and growing like weeds!

Almond bloom is such an anticipated time of the year for me. It not only marks my mental start to spring, but it is a time of definition for this years crop. But more than those things combined...I just think almond blossoms are one o the top 5 most beautiful things I have seen.

We bought some seeds to start...I know I am a bit late but I have faith my little seedlings will grow quickly so I can put some color in my yard. I am working on a big herb garden and an assortment of colorful flowers. Wade and I have been talking about our garden this year...of course cucumber and i was thinking tomatoes too! Hunter loves squash and carrots....and I love teaching him were food comes from.

What are you planting this year?

If I could control ONE thing...

2010-02-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

It would be the big bad world of the INTERNET...and guaranteeing that I would always be able to connect.

Working in the Boone docs among almond trees does not allow for many internet connection options...and when we are without it we loose all work email, access to our other offices and their servers and SO much more.

Some people I work with actually think I am in control of the internet and if it is working....I WISH.

What do you wish you were in control of?

Nothing short of AMAZING!

2010-02-09T08:05:00.001-08:00

That is what my husband is.

He lets me fall asleep in the middle of conversations late in the evening.

He watches some of my girly TV shows with me.

Weekly grocery store trips are always made together and he even gives great input on meal planning!

Projects around the house are fun and his ability to renovate with style is astounding.

He also takes careful notes about me and what he can do to love me and support me. After reading yesterdays post he changed the website!

Here is the before and after! I just love how it turned out!

This is What We Do!

2010-02-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

Wade has spent quit a bit of time on the Monte Vista Farming Website over the past year....and it is AMAZING...except for one factor....I do not like the picture on the home page. It is a picture of almond trees and it is beautiful.

But we do not grow almonds. We STORE, SORT and SHIP almonds.

I took a few more pictures today and I will continue to find time to walk around with my camera more often. I am still playing with what should go on our home page. More than anything I want people to know what we do...and that we do it well!

Twisted

2010-02-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

There are many times in a day that my thoughts get so twisted. I become caught up in this world, my feelings, my failures, my dreams that are not nearly accomplished and just how plain tired I am. I let these thoughts circle in my mind. I fester and worry. Doubt overcomes me. The devil has my attention.

Then in one quick second I am reminded of how loved I am. I see a picture of my son. My husband calls. My grandma sends me a quick love note over email. I notice the scripture posted on my desk at work. A smile from a coworker. I see something that resembles a cross. That is all it takes and I am back to believing that I am unstoppable. Then Christ has my attention.

I want to be that for other people.....that pick that breaks the ice, that flame that starts a fire, that gentle reminder that you can just turn off all the bad thoughts....and keep moving...because we can....because our debt is paid....

The truth is I am twisted....just like this old oak tree...but with every twist I learn and grow...I become wiser, stronger, faster and more prepared for what is next. It is in the twists that my strength lies....it is there that my beauty comes from. I want other people to know that..to feel that....to believe that.

A night OUT in the Tank

2010-02-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

We had the privilege of a night out on a hot date with some great friends of ours....and where do you think we went....?? A sharks hockey game of course!
I love spending time with my favorite friends. I love watching them grow and learn. I love learning from them and hearing their stories. I love sharing moments like these with them.

As I exit the honeymoon phase of my marriage I have come to appreciate being around other married couples that are in LOVE and giving it all they got to show each other that. It is an encouragement and just plain fun to spend time with Kristin and Travis. I hope we always walk through the days of our lives as close friends....friends who can be real, be accountable and know that forever Wade and I will be there for them.

A Trip to the Zoo

2010-02-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite things to do with Hunter and Wade!

We took a trip to our local zoo on Sunday. The whole time were were there we saw less than a dozen people. The sun came out and it warmed up a bit. I finally got to walk through the Japanese gardens. We never once looked at our phones to see who called, our email to catch up on work or our watches to tell what time it was....we just were together doing what made us laugh and smile.

I want to find more things that we can do together that make me feel this way.

I may be slow like a turtle in figuring out how to balance work and family...but I am trying and slowly but surely I am making some progress.

The Sun has Set

2010-01-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

Oracle purchased Sun Microsystems. It is official.

Wade has a job! He is an Oracle employee.

The waiting is over. Finally.

The truth is that as a family we would have been OK with whatever happened with Wade's job. Loosing his job was never my biggest fear or hurdle....it was the waiting. Almost like our lives have been on hold or frozen for 9 months. Every conversation, decision and dollar spent made us think about the Sun and Oracle merger.

Today I feel free. Free to live a life that is no longer bound by a fear of what will happen to Sun and ultimately Wade's job. Free to make the dream come true.

Wade, I know this has been a long time coming....You made it. They want you. Your work is of value. I always believed in you...and even if they loose faith in the months and years to come....I never will. You are gifted and God has a plan and purpose for your life...I am simply grateful to be a part of it. Love you.

Happy Birthday Best Friend

2010-01-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

I never get tired of you...even when I was a punk teenager and we fought every second of every day...

You are the most beautiful woman that I know (...well tied with mom)

You have showed me what unconditional means

I think of you every day

I pray for you every time I think of you

I know that as long as my heart pumps blood around my body that you will be a BIG and IMPORTANT and TREASURED part of my life

You are genuine, thoughtful, continuously learning and growing

I would not be me without you...you have made me stronger, wiser and more beautiful than you will ever know

You are my sister and there is no one on this planet that could ever fill your roll in my life

You are my BEST friend...and I have some REALLY GREAT friends.

You are not my best friend because you are my sister. You loved and cried and put in real honest hard work....you have earned that title.

Happy Birthday Best Friend. I LOVE you.

Thank you Jesus for her...for blessing my life with her. I hope someday you bless Hunter in the same way.

Lost Photos

2010-01-22T22:36:00.000-08:00

An old friend

A BEST friend

A forever friend

Shared a few pictures with me I had never seen

They took my breath away

and brought back memories from years ago like they were yesterday

She held my baby when he was just a week old

We all looked like a million bucks

Marriage and babies was new and exciting

We were young and naive

We were on the cusp of living as adults

So much has changed....

I simply and completely love these women in a way that I can never fully explain

They just make me smile

They are my girls

They speak truth in a rare form of love

They are always there, always forgiving, completely accepting and know me inside and out

There are no words for the depth of our love and friendship.

Finding these pictures is better than buried treasure.

Thanks Mom

2010-01-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Mom did a bit of digging and found this out about Canada's health care program....

"Abortions in Canada are provided on request and funded by Medicare, to Canadian citizens and permanent residents (as with most medical procedures) in hospitals across the country. Abortion funding for hospitals comes from the various provincial governments (their overall health expenses are however paid for in part by the federal government). One-third of hospitals perform abortions, and these perform two-thirds of abortions in the country. The remaining abortions are performed by public and private-for-profit clinics.

sorry dear "

YUCK! Please tell me that I am not the only one that is sick over the use of tax dollar to fund abortion.....

2010-01-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

A change is coming...at least in the state of MA. I cannot stand too much political talk, debate and news in my life....it makes my blood boil....it ruins nice evenings....and most times there is NOTHING I can do about it. Wade and I have been watching and listening to the health care debate unfold. There have been times, many times, that I just have not understood why this is happening this way. I am OK with not getting my way or things happening that I may think are not what our country needs....that is the ebb and flow of life.

What I have a hard time with is paying for someone to get an abortion. It more than bothers me...or causes a knot in my stomach...it literally causes me physical pain for me to realize that MY tax dollars could KILL a child.

When Ted Kennedy passed away and the "people's Senate seat" became available I said a silent prayer that God might put a warrior there. A warrior that could stop my fear from becoming reality. Against all odds in one of the most liberal states....a republican got elected last night. More importantly a conservative fellow that will fight this health care bill as it stands today.

As Wade and I debated about how the DARK blue state of MA could elect a RED Republican at this time in their agenda.....I realized that I am not alone in my pain. In fact a "think tank" discussion with the voters of MA on FOX news really outlined what was happening in their state and I believe across our great nation. People are not OK with the current agenda....even the same people that elected to put that agenda into place a year ago.

A change is coming....and I hope that I NEVER EVER have to fear my (hard work) tax dollars being used in a fashion such as abortion again. I am OK with the voters choice and the people being herd...even when it is not what I agree with.... however I will NOT be OK with paying for abortion even if every other voter in America is....and if it happens I just might have to move to Canada.

Dear Judy

2010-01-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Judy,

You were there in Haiti on a missions trip when the earthquake hit! At first when I found out I thought how horrible....then I quickly realized that this is not something that just randomly happened to you...but that you were chosen and prepared for this time. God is using you.
He is using you there in Haiti to touch and change peoples life throughthe POWER and LOVE of Christ. ..but he is also using you here, at home, to change my life.

You are an inspiration, an encouragement and I love you. You have not only been a dear friend to my mother, but a strong woman - a Christ inspired - woman that I have had the privilege of knowing for most of my years.

Send my love, my tears and my deepest sympathy to the people that you are touching every day.

You are in prayer...All of the people in Haiti are in prayer.

God is good. In times of tragedy and triumph... God is good.

Renee Little

Here are links to Paul's blog and the OC register news article....Pray with me....will you?

http://frbelti.blogspot.com/2010/01/first-email-from-judy-in-haiti.html

http://www.ocregister.com/news/beltis-229270-mission-judy.html

The Dentist

2010-01-14T11:51:00.000-08:00

I went to the dentist yesterday...and had my teeth cleaned and examined. I was sweating this appointment....you see since I moved to Tracy, Ca I have tried a few dentists and they have all been AWFUL. The hygienists have been heavy handed, rough and caused a great deal of pain. I also knew I had cavities but refused to go back there....now I was stuck with a sore tooth and no choice but to go visit a dentist.

I choose a new office just down the street from my house. They had TV's for me to watch while I was having my teeth cleaned! The hygienists was gentle and kind....while getting my teeth really clean in the process. Their office and equipment was high tech...I got to see all my digital xrays on the computer screen at my seat! Let's just say I was a good girl and that I will be going back to that office again!

Finding a good dentist is right up there on my top 10 things I will be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

Football

2010-01-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

My cousin Jake plays football and he is amazing. His high school team won state champs this year in Alabama!!!

I wish he lived closer. I wish I was able to go to his games...wear his team color and cheer for him.

Being far away from family SUCKS.

80 Things

2010-01-07T07:22:00.000-08:00

Here are 80 things my sister and I love about our grandma Betty on her 80th Birthday.

80. She has never forgot me on my birthday

79. Her soft touch

78. How clean her house always is

77. The easter egg hunts she would put together for my sister and I

76. My summers at her lake house in Nebraska

75. How she would play the organ for me

74. Her gingersnap recipe

73. The small horses she made for me one birthday...she always knew just what I wanted

72. I have never seen her angry or yelling

71. She smells wonderful...not like stinky perfume or just plain soap....she smells like home

70. She would sit and read to me as long as I liked when I was a child

69. She did not judge me one second when I was pregnant out of wedlock

68. When there is a bargain she finds it...when there is a coupon she clips it

67. Her hands...I just love them...they are beautiful

66. How she taught me a bit of sign language

65. Her well rounded opinions that are formed from a life of hard work

64. Steak Diane...I love this tradition she gave to me on Christmas Eve

63. I have never heard her complain

62. She sets aside a time to talk to my mom every Sunday...no matter what

61. She walks different routes through her house to avoid traffic wear on her carpet

60. Her health is important to her

59. So she eats well

58. And walks every night

57. I love her style. She is always neatly dressed and watches the latest fashions

56. At my wedding she seemed to glow...she was so beautiful

55. Feeding the ducks the heal of the loaf of bread off her pack patio in Ventura

54. Trips to the swimming pool in Kansas City

53. She gave me long, warm oatmeal baths when I got the Chicken Pox

52. Her voice....it is like an angel

51. How she would sing along to all the songs in the movie "Scrooge" as we watched it every Christmas

50. $1 table presents

49. Her house is always super clean and very comfortable

48. She drives a HOT car!!!

47. She looks cute when she is cleaning,without even breaking a sweat, making it look so easy

46. She is extremely selfless, and always willing to give up something of hers for someone else

45. She is a HUSKER fan :)

44. Her life story is very interesting, and it is an honor to see the woman she has become on her journey

43. She gave us an AMAZING grandfather growing up, and has yet again brought another amazing gentleman into our family

42. She always smells pretty

41. She dresses cuter than I do

40. She is patient

39. She is kind

38. She is an amazing baker, and always shares her secrets

37. She has a positive outlook on every situation

36. She is a great listener

35. She has the ability to listen and give advice without being judgmental

34. She is very sharp on the facts of history and even current events

33. She has such a detailed memory of conversations, people, events, I am jealous she can remember more of my childhood than I can

32. She gets more gorgeous every year

31. She does not seem to dwell on the past, mistakes or uncertainties

30. She has the ability to really fall in love, even after unimaginable heartache

29. She is very witty

28. Her junk emails are usually really cute, the best junk email kind

27. She has a soft touch to her, and you feel like you could melt into her arms when she hugs you

26. She looks good in shoulder pads (hard to do)

25. She is very hospitable

24. She still knows how to party

23. She is always taking up a new hobby, dancing, weight lifting, book clubs, choirs

22. Everything in her house matches

21. Her house always feels like home, even thought its not my home

20. She has taught us to value family, and to love them unconditionally

19. She loves the Lord with all her heart, mind and soul

18. She is a great traveler

17. She gave us a really fun uncle

16. She is took the time to stitch something special for Hunter when he was born

15. Her house, and mom's, and mine, are full of creations from her sewing machine

14. She loves animals - especially poodles and Siamese cats

13. She cuts out newspaper clippings and mails them to me with a sweet note

12. She prays for me

11. Her computer skills are sharp..which means we email and Skype!

10. She is wise

9. Her money is spent with purpose and planning

8. She protects herself

7. Her family comes first

6. How selfless she is

5. She participates in community events...and is always volunteering

4. She never played favorites with my sister and I

3. She calmed my mom down when she was REALLY mad at us girls

2. She gave us our mother...the most wonderful gift she has given (in my opinion)

1. She intentionally, purposefully, unconditionally and powerfully loves us

We love you Grandma.

The ULTIMATE sign of Hospitality

2010-01-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

I was born in the deep south....I mean deep. I am talking about swamps, long drawls in speech and big white magnolias. We left Louisiana before I even started school, but I went back for 6 months during college.... for an "internship" but more than that a boy. For those six months I lived with his folks and they showed me the true definition of southern hospitality.

Their lake home was breathtaking. Miss. Brenda cooked my favorite meals, put sweet notes by my bedside, cut fresh flowers from her garden and put them in my room, took me on tours of her favorite spots, hugged me every time I walked in the door, left mints on my pillow and strategically placed pictures of me all over her home. I felt more than welcome.

I left that summer with a broken heart, fun memories and a good lesson on how to open your heart and your home to your guests. It was a summer I will always remember and think of often.

Over the past 7 years since that summer I have stayed in many homes and traveled to many places....and none welcomed me like Miss. Brenda...that is until Canada.

My in-laws insist we stay in their room. They give up their BED. Seriously it is the warmest, most loved and endlessly welcomed feeling I have ever had. Then my darling Canadian sister and brother in-law did the same thing....gave up their master suite for us. It is not about money, comfort or style....it is about giving the people you love the best you've got.PERIOD.

I love them...and not because they give me things and won't let me pay (EVER). But because they continuously go out of their way to love Wade, Hunter and I. They purposefully and intentionally make sure we know they love us.

It has been a new lesson for me. A lesson of selflessness. I am humbled and loved. I could not imagine it gets any better than this...

Right Now

2010-01-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

Right now I am missing this...my sister. This Christmas was nothing short of amazing...but I would by lying if I said it was complete...how could it be complete without her?

I know that I am all grown up and married and this is just part of life....celebrating holidays and birthdays apart....I do not think I will ever get used to being away from her.

Resolutions

2009-12-31T17:30:00.000-08:00

Now you have to hold me accountable....

Here we go.

I want to start looking as pretty as I know I can. For my husband, for my family, and geehz for other peoples eyes....but for myself more than anything. Just spending a few minutes a day on me...i think it might be the boost I need. I am not talking hot curlers and blue maskera...I am talking eye liners and lip gloss.

I want 2010 to bring change. I want my dream to finally come true. The dream I have been working so hard to achieve. The dream the has been in every second of my thoughts and prayers. My dream is coming true this year. 2010 is my year.

Lastly, I want 2010 to be the year I read the bible. I do not want to be unrealistic and say read the whole bible front to back. I just want it to be real part of my day to day life. I want to see the words become real in my life. I want to give the holy spirit something to work with. I want the spirit to work in me.

Now most importantly, I want-NO-I will- put my family first. Every choice, every action, every thought, and every dollar.

As for 2009. Just as I thought it would be. Work hard. Play with friends. Cherish every second with family and grow....inside and out just a year to grow...to get ready.

Ready for 2010.

I wish blessings and peace and JOY to you. I love you all. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Happy New Year. May all YOUR dreams come true.

The professionals.

2009-12-30T15:03:00.001-08:00

These two were not only adorable but they new how to handle the cold weather. They cuddled right up to stay warm.

Great grandma is many things....but it is her laugh I love the most. She lights up a room, cuddles with kids and stays up late taking down the boys with a game of cards. i love spending time with her.

Ski-doo

2009-12-30T14:56:00.000-08:00

These things move fast....really fast. So fast I had to kick Wade out of the drivers seat so I could so faster...yeah right...SLOWER.

Hunter loved it...he begged to go again and again.

Honestly it is really fun-if and only if- you are dressed right and your glasses don't fog.

A word to the wise for next time...wear your contacts!

We are getting along...

2009-12-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

The snow and I...that is. The whole family went out on a horse drawn sled ride through the country. This is one of the Little family traditions and it was neat for me to be a part of it.

It was beautiful. And COLD. But more beautiful than anything else.

Hunter did well for most of the ride. Just the last few minutes he decided he was done....really done. He endlessly repeated "CCCCold....BBBBBuurrrrr."

Rick and Emily rode on the sled that was being pulled behind and ohhh did they have a blast.

Then there are these two. Man are they like...and I can see them both in Hunter too. Neil is a man that is strong and hard working...there is not a second he is just standing still...unless he is with one of the grandkids. Neil and Wade are building a legacy with their lives...with their hard work and with their hearts.

The snow and I are getting along today....and at least for the next few days that is.

Three airports, 2 airplanes and many hours later

2009-12-28T10:09:00.000-08:00

We made it to Canada....and every scream, kick and tear was worth it.

The first airplane ride from San Fran to Minnesota was a piece of cake...thanks to a long nap and Fraggle rock.

The second one however was horrible....and I honestly cannot blame Hunter...we were delayed, it was past midnight and I think we all were just done traveling.

I have to admit I love airports....because I love people watching....and it is one of the easiest places to eavesdrop on your neighbors converations and peak at the emails the man next to you is typing out. Don't judge me...I also try to do some good with it...like lending toys to upset children and hold open doors and anything else I can notice that might help. I like to call it paying attention to what is going on around me....ha!

Yum

2009-12-28T10:01:00.002-08:00

Some of my favorite Christmas treats this year were old traditions and some were first time adventures.

Candy cane cookies are a main staple of every Christmas I can remember. They are a pain to make but worth every second. The slight almond flavoring, the crisp white and red colors....it makes Christmas feel right for me.

Wade loves turkey but only with Cranberry in every bite. Since the canned version is not an option....I whipped up a batch of homemade sauce....and it came out just right. Now even your standard pork tenderloin is adorned with a dabble of this red tart sauce.

I would love to share my recipes....just ask:)

I hope your Christmas was full of yummy food.

Christmas Countdown

2009-12-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

"Unto us a child was born..."

This is the verse that resides in my heart this Christmas. It comes to mind over and over...perhaps because I have a son, or I have babies on the brain...or maybe, just maybe because I am learning just how precious a gift it was.

Hunter can say Santa. At first i was excited and we went to visit Santa. Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that he does not know how to say Jesus.

I need to talk more about Jesus. I want him to know baby Jesus.

Haircut

2009-12-21T11:39:00.000-08:00

He is growing up to be the sweetest young man. He now sits on his own for a hair cut....and hold as still as a statue.

I love watching him interact with people. The entire time he was getting his hair cut he was talking about his grandma and how we are going to visit her. "wherez gamma" he would endlessly repeat...with his hands raised in question.

This child of mine is a hairy boy....and those of you who know me well....know where he got it. Poor Kid. I am trying to figure out what style this kid should have. Short and militant, long and hippie like, spiked, mohawk, or slicked down....it has been fun playing around.

These are the days.

Dare Devil

2009-12-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

I remember as a kid that nothing feels better than having your parents and grandparents cheering you on...clapping, calling your name and rooting for you.

Besides the Little family Hockey nights in our living room, there are no major sports yet for Hunter....although he would count jumping the stairs as a major Olympic event...and of course we are all there cheering him along....and when we forget to clap he reminds us:)

Back to the basics

2009-12-09T21:06:00.000-08:00

Our last night in Yosemite we lost power. Wade and I jumped in the car and went into town to buy a battery operated lantern and flashlight. We made dinner on the gas range in the dark, ate dinner by the fire place and played with the flashlights under blankets.

At moments it was cold and frustrating. But more than anything it was just what we needed.....to stop and just enjoy the basics.

Good people.

A warm fire.

Good conversation.

I look back on that night now and realize that I should turn it all off more often.

Giving it all I Got

2009-12-09T08:35:00.001-08:00

Today is the annual Almond Conference.

I look forward to going every year. My time there is full of learning the latest policies and tends in the industry as well as building new relationships that could lead to a better, stronger Monte Vista Farming.

I also enjoy running into old friends. People that used to work for me, people I buy equipment and supplies from and people I only see once a year at this conference.

Then there are the people I try and avoid. The sales man that unfortunately has my business card and calls once a week. The grower that wants to complain about everything. And my most challenging....The people I used to work for. I only see them this one time year and it stirs up all types of emotion.

I hate that things are not great between us. It makes my stomach turn to know people out there might not think the best of me....just because I left for another job.

I hope I get the chance to say hello and begin building a new bridge. I hope the past is the past....and that the future holds good things. They are good people....and they played a big roll in my life over that time period I worked there. They gave me more than just an opportunity, they gave me a good challenge....one that brought out the best in me. One that helped me find me.

Do you have someone in your life that you have a past with...a past you wish you could change? Today is the day to make the call, to reach out your hand, to begin again. At least you will fall asleep tonight knowing that you gave it all you got...I believe that is all God requires from me....all I got.

Things I love

2009-12-08T09:08:00.001-08:00

I just thought I would share a few things I love about life today.

10. I love Hunter's doctor...or doctor's...they are brothers. They are wise, thoughtful, and they listen carefully. They have helped us get over the aspiration and kept the flu/colds away this year. All three of us have had the H1N1 vaccine!

9. I love all our friends and the time we spend together.

8. I love the hard times. I know they are building my strength for tomorrow's challenges. If there were never hard times...the good times would not feel so good right?

7. I love that Hunter calls my sister auntie. When he see's a picture of her his face lights up and he wonders where she is.

6. I love my stinky dog. Even when he tries to lick me to death....I still love him. He is such a sweet, loyal and handsome dog. He is patient and soft with Hunter. Knowing he will bark at the slightest noise outside makes me feel safe.

5. I love that my dream is about to come true. 2010 holds the most wonderful reality for me and my family. Have you ever dreamed, and worked hard, and prepared for a BIG dream to come true in your life....?? I just cannot wait.

4. I love my home. There are always projects I would love to dive into...like ripping out the carpet and refinishing the hard wood, or putting in granite kitchen counter tops, and so on. But more than anything, I love the character and charm of my little home. I love the layout and all the space. I love that it is full of memories, laughter and love. I love it just the way it is.

3. I love my son. He is 18 months and I love this stage of his life. I count every
second with him the best gift that Wade and God ever gave me.

2. I love my husband. I love his humor, his genius level of intelligence, and the way he loves me. He is never too proud or self consumed to love me. He puts the first things first, he deals with my moods and emotions, and he leads me.

1. I love my God. He sends me blessings that I do not deserve. He quietly guides me
in his direction. He has a plan and purpose for my life that is powerful and I cannot wait for what is next....

God is Good

2009-11-30T22:22:00.000-08:00

God is good to me
Oh he's always been good.

I constantly catch myself singing this verse from a song I cannot put a title to. It must of been some junior high youth group song I sang every Sunday growing up.

Yosemite was amazing. God is good and as I stood on the valley floor with the most precious people in my life....I could not help from singing this verse again and again under my breath.

I think it is my theme song.

I am thinking...

2009-11-30T22:19:00.000-08:00

That I love this little man.

I wish I lived closer to him so I could squeeze him every day.

He is sweet, funny, and so full of character.

Hunter already has the best friends!

Say Cheese

2009-11-30T21:59:00.000-08:00

Ken took some amazing pictures of our family while we were in SLO a few weekends back.

I am at peace knowing that I will forever have this period of Hunter's life caught on film.

I feel like we have crossed a bridge from baby to toddler in the last few days. He is learning news words constantly and using them to tell us the secrets he has been holding in his heart for so long. Finally I get to communicate with my baby. I understand what he wants because he tells me.

He is excited to share his rock, his toy, his movie, his everything. Seeing the world through his eyes and with his excitement has brought a new level of joy into our lives. All of a sudden dirt clots are not gross and to be avoided, they take our breath away and bring on hours of laughter!

Confession

2009-11-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

I do not read my bible enough.

Ok hardly ever.

That needs to change.

Thanks for letting me say that...Now I have to do something about it.

Bible on the night stand. Then I can read with Hunter for a minute before bed.

I will start tonight.

Remembrance Day

2009-11-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

For people who do not know me, let me introduce myself.....This post is being done not by Renee but rather by Wade (Renee's Husband) and I am Canadian so thought I would like to take a moment and offer something that I am thankful for today. Today(Nov 11th) is Remembrance Day in Canada. It is often also referred to as Poppy day, Armistice day or Veterans day. This is a day to commemorate the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and of civilians in times of war, specifically since the First World War. It is observed on Nov 11 to recall the end of World War I in 1918 which formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

Today I am thankful for all the sacrifice that soldiers have made to allow us the freedoms that we enjoy everyday. If anybody not from Canada has a chance to be in Canada during Remembrance Day it amazing!! You will see that starting two weeks before Nov 11 everyone will be wearing a poppy! The poppy emblem was chosen because of the poppies that bloomed across some of the worst battlefields of Flanders in World War I, their red color an appropriate symbol for the bloodshed of trench warfare.

Growing up in Canada all school children will have been taught an amazing poem written by Canadian military physician John McCrae who wrote it after he witnessed the death of his friend, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, only 22 years old, the day before.

So as each of you read the following poem please take a moment with me and thank all of the Veterans past and present who have offered so much!

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

I am Thankful for all the HARD work

2009-11-09T10:16:00.000-08:00

For a man that is not in love with the sea....he sure did stand there just looking at it for a long time. He was probably trying to calculate the speed of the waves or trying to understand the power of the waves and create some new way to harness it.

As for me, I am full just watching him figure it all out.

He works so HARD. Balancing budgets, making payments, playing with Hunter, doing dishes, feeding animals, programing new tools for SUN, learning new tech stuff, researching everything, answering emails, selling baseball programs, writting websites, fixing cars, renovating our home and holding me as I fall asleep each and every night.

I admire you Wade and I notice every small, medium and large thing your do for us. You are leading our family to success.

Sun or Oracle. Job or NO job. 12 children or 1. Eating out or always homecooked. New or used. Debt or paid in full. Either way I am madly in love with you. My heart is bubbling over with pride just to be called by your last name. Thank you for all your hard work to make our dream come true...

The internet

2009-11-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for the internet and all that I have discovered through it.

I am greatful to meet and share stories with other people all this my computer screen.

I laugh, I learn, I cook and sometimes when a story like Gavin's creeps into my heart...I cry.

Today this nice lady is sharing peoples favorite posts on her website....fun reading, fun people.

Life

2009-11-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

Take a deep breath....go on.

Now deeper.

How good does that feel to have the cool air fill your lungs?

Now gently breath out...

How refreshing. My mind is clear, my body is able and my heart is pumped and ready to go.

How GOOD to be ALIVE.

Today I am thankful for this moment. For each breath.

I am thankful for Gavin and how his sweet story has touched my life. I am thankful to be reminded that every breath is a gift from God.

To read Gavin's story click here.

My Circle

2009-11-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

We all have people in our lives. Some make us happy, others make us laugh, others really rub us the wrong way and annoy us by trying to jump on our bed during a nap.

I have all these types of people in my life...but the people I treasure the most are my circle. They are the people that would tell me the truth, hold me accountable, call me out, hug me a bit tighter and longer after a bad day, they find true joy in my success and their hearts hurt when I fail...but more than anything they pray with me and for me....you see I believe in the power of prayer becuase I know what it has done in my life.

Today I am thankful for these people and for all their prayers.

Jillian, sweet Jillian is my freshman year roommate. I love the journey we have been on together and I love knowing that there is still along way to go...but that we will always just be a phone call away. All it takes is "hello" and I am back on my side of the room, burning music, writing in my journal and talking all night with my cherry farm girl Jill. I love her simplicity...there is right and wrong. She is as loyal and kind as they come. I am thankful for you Jillian.

Nate, Amy and growing baby Paige are precious to me. Amy and I are on the same page in life...we always have been. This girl is as REAL as they come. I love her unconditional and nonjudgmental take on life. I am so thankful for you Amy.
Ericka and this little punk have the most stories to tell about me. After living together for years Ericka knows it all and I love that we can talk about anything...even when we have completely different views and strong opinions. I learn so much from her perspective and her dedication to doing what she believes is right. She is the perfect party planner. She has an eye for making things beautiful inside and out. I am so thankful for you Ericka.
When we are together are some of the favorite times in my life. We have shared the good the bad and everything in between....and we have so much more fun to have in the years to come.

Then there is this sister of mine....who decides to steal my friends. haha. I still think that is funny she thinks that....because the truth is that I am the luckiest woman alive...my best friend, my sister is also just as close with my circle of friends as I am. It does not get any better than this Kristin. I am so thankful for you and for more reasons than this post can hold.
Oh and this girl....God has used her in BIG, LIFE changing ways. I have always admired her style and grace but more importantly her devotion to what she believes in. She knows the meaning of a hard days work. Skye lights up a room and I have always been thankful to be her friend.
Then there is K$ and Travis. K$ is Shera. I promise you that she is the true real life superwoman. Smart, strong inside and out, healthy, kind, wise and so full of solutions. I know she would drop it all and come running if I was in a moment of need. I am so thankful for you Kristin.

I hope you have friends like these people. Because these people understand that it is fun to go to Vegas and Yosemite and be in each others weddings....but the powerful moments are in prayers, tears, and years of just being there for it all.

I would not be me without all of you. I am endlessly and powerfully thankful for each one of you and the roll you play in my life today, tomorrow and forever.

More Home Renovations

2009-11-03T13:27:00.000-08:00

On Sunday we stained our decks and fence. It took us around 5 hours and $200 bucks but it made a really big difference on the overall look in our backyard.

One piece at a time....next is weed pulling, drip line placing, planting, rocks, a play area for Hunter and area for Laredo to potty.

There is always another project!

Our Time Together

2009-11-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

I am genuinely thankful for every second of time we spend together as a family. I can never get enough of our little monkey!

Hunter had a great time trick or treating. After the first house he had figured out you take the candy from their bowl and put it in your bucket....then he was off! He walked the entire few blocks and carried his own bucket. He would knock on the door and say "open". He was too cute!!

This Safe Place

2009-10-31T10:59:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for this safe, warm and loving home that Hunter spends his week days in. Without Sonia and the day care that she provides for Hunter....Wade and I would not both be able to work....and not only just work....but KNOW that Hunter is safe, having fun and LEARNING a great deal from the older children and Sonia.

There is no place better than MY home and ME. But for today the next BEST place is SONIA. I am thankful for every moment she loves, feeds, protects and teaches Hunter.

I am Thankful for the Boss Man

2009-10-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for this nut....

Almonds have changed my life. When I graduated college I thought I would change the world...I was full of energy and ideas. I was hired into an almond packing facility and it was the prefect place for me to not only find myself, but to mature into the woman I am today.

I have been able to travel to foreign countries, lead a team of people, work with farmers, run daily production of a large facility, deploy a custom written data base, learn a few things about computers and networks and learn from some of the finest people out there.

But then there is this man....

He snatched me from my first job and put me to work here at Monte Vista. I am so thankful for him. I am thankful for having a job and being able to help financially support my family.

I really know that God has used Jim in my life. You see.....it is because I moved to Turlock that my life really took a BIG change....the BEST change of my life....and it had nothing to do with work.

I was all alone in this new town so I went on EHarmony to find a good date.

I found more than a date I found Wade...the LOVE of my LIFE.

Through our love for each other and GOD's love for us....We had SON.

I will forever be thankful to Jim... I think about how different things would be for me if Jim never would have hired me...

I am Thankful for my girls

2009-10-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Oh my! I love these girls. They are so full nothing but goodness. I want to hug them and squeeze them, I want to read them stories until they fall asleep in my lap and take them on crazy adventures in the woods of Nipawin. I want to be a loving, supportive always there for them, fun aunt.

I am an aunt! I love these girls for making me that.

I love that we share our last name, and that Hunter carries some of the same blood and genetics that they do.

Look at these beauties! I see so much 'Little' in them...just like I see it in my son. I hope that they share more in life than a last name and a big head. I hope they become friends and that they walk life together sharing all of it's BIG moments next to each other.

Today I am thankful that Hunter has these girls....and that I have them too.

I am Thankful Everyday

2009-10-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

Todays marks one month until Thanksgiving! I thought since I could never address all the things I am thankful for in one post....I would spend a month doing it! For all of you that want a daily post...well your wish is coming true this month...be thankful (haha).

Last night I started working on some Christmas presents and I was trying to edit this picture. The original was over exposed and almost yellow in color the white balance was so far off. It was so horrible I will not even show you the original. I took the picture months ago just after I got my new camera...and I obviously did not know how to use all of the high tech functions...But you know what I did get right?

I saw the raw, powerful potential of this picture. See her smile. See how she holds him close. I caught a picture of her heart in that moment and I thankfully get to save it forever.

Today,

I am thankful for photoshop... because without it this picture would have been worthless.

I am also thankful for a camera that can capture the love my mom has for my son.

More than anything...I am grateful for every day she spends with him and every ounce of love she pours into him.

Pumpkin Patch!

2009-10-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we ventured out to Del Oso Family Farms and we had the best time. You all know how I love to support local family farms....and this was exactly that.

The petting zoo was one of my favorite things to do that day. They had so many baby animals...the pigs were my favorite....it takes me back to my FFA days!

Hunter had a great time. He ran from pumpkin to pumpkin wanting to take them all home...in fact he some how talked Wade into taking home the biggest pumpkin there....only 52 pounds. I do not even want to think about how we are going to carve it next weekend!

A BIG first

2009-10-16T18:16:00.001-07:00

First pee pee in the potty!!!

And a little on me!

Post From My iPhone

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-10-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving...I love that we get to celebrate Thanksgiving twice a year!

There are many many things I love about Thanksgiving....

Pumpkin Pie with extra cool whip

Creamy mashed potatoes

Football - the one time a year I can stand to sit and watch a game

All the brightly colored leaves falling to the ground

A room full of people I love

Time away from work to just rest and relax

And my favorite.....

Thanksgiving has always been a time we sit around the table for hours after the meal is done and just talk about the past year and ALL that we are thankful for.

To my Canadians....

Thank you for loving me and taking me into your family without hesitation

Thank you for coming out to visit this past summer...our time was full of memories that will last a lifetime

I am thankful for Wade and what an amazing man you raised him to be

I am grateful to Neil for being an amazing hands on father to Wade...because now Wade is an amazing hands on father to Hunter.

I have loved watching Tanner with Hunter...I would never have guessed a teenager to be so in love with a toddler...but Tanner you are a special kid and we are so grateful to have you in our lives

We wish we were there with you all....but then I found out it was snowing.... and decided California might be a better, warmer place for me today....I promise to brave the cold snow for Christmas though!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A Japanese Treat

2009-10-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

Some wonderful customers of our came to visit the plant today. I had the pleasure to spend some time with them....and in return I got something better than gold....I got candy.

Not just any Candy....but candy that has our almonds in it!!!

I love how they package all of their products....for the Japanese it is all about quality, top of the line product ---- nothing else. They are also creative and full of energy, purpose and life. Inside this box of candy was individually wrapped sets of this candy....and it gets better...

Each packet had an animal design! I personally like the owl...it seems like the wise choice...haha

The past 5 years I have been getting to know and understand the way of doing business with the Japanese people. They are picky...and I appreciate that they know what they want.

They make delicious candy...and Hunter agrees that the almonds make it magical!

Trick or Treat

2009-09-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I am not the biggest fan of Halloween and what the day represents...the witches, goblins, blood and everything else evil and scary....I do not like any of that.

What I do like is the super hero costumes, neighbors spending time together, candy, going to pumpkin patches to pick out the perfect one and then carving it...

I hope this Halloween is full of love and life...and my little monkey is just that!

What goes around comes around

2009-09-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

There is something so simple about roses that flat out lighten my load and make me feel at peace. When my kitchen table has a vase full of roses all is right in my world.

My mom was here to visit last week and normally I try and do a few special things around the house to welcome her...clean sheets, towels, flowers, put up pictures of her and Hunter, stock the fridge with fresh berries and make sure her favorite soap is in the bathroom...but this past visit I was under water with Harvest and I just barely got out clean linens. Then my mom surprised me with roses and put up pictures of her, dad and Hunter....I could have cried.

Not because I was sad or overwhelmed...but because she knew just how to love me in that moment....how great is the love between a mother and her child.

Lashes

2009-09-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hunter has these thick luscious lashes...and at bath time the water collects at the tips. Everyday I find something new I love about him...tonight I am in love with his lashes and how they are perfectly him. God is so good.

scrub a dub

2009-09-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

Hunter is in the tub! He loves this time...and now that Grandma Julie is here she spoils him with extra time in the tub to splash.

His favorite toy by a long shot is this purple octopus. He always tries to hang it on my nose...
Then we I finally can get him out of the tub it is time to brush, brush, brush. Wade thinks I am a bit too harsh when it comes to brushing Hunter's teeth...but the truth is they need it. Then I let him play with his tooth brush for awhile...really all he wants to do is suck on it....gross.
What I am learning to love is routine and how much Hunter is learning from just doing it everyday or every other...We are such creatures of routine. The past week he has been wanting to sit on the potty to go poo poo. He pulls at his clothes and rips off his diaper so he can sit on the toilet...nothing happens...no poo poo...but we have light bulbs of understanding lighting up our house everyday.

I LOVE this Kid

I LOVE this life.

The fisherman

2009-09-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, during a visit home to see my family, my dad cooked up some of the fresh fish he caught in Alaska. First, my dad is not the type of fisherman you are used to hearing about....he does not look to catch fish....he is a fisher of men. He went on a trip with investors of CDF Bank..He went to further the kingdom...and he also caught a few fish in the process.

I love my dad's heart for the church. I admire his endurance to see through the problems and create solutions. It is fun watching him live out the life God planned him.

Light bulb

2009-09-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

Hunter continuously amazes me.

He is learning so many words and really beginning to understand concepts. Wade has taught him the word scar...because Hunter was always pointing out Wade's scar from having his appendix removed..

He knows ear, eye, mouth, nose (his favorite), belly button, cracker (sounds like caca, yuck!), juice, car, Laredo, shoe, diaper, poo poo, aqua, water, bye bye, night, banana and so many more.

Just recently he started walking around saying "poo poo" after he pooped in his diaper. then we would say "Let's change your diaper, come on" He will run over and and sit down in the spot where we change him...smiling and giggling the entire way!

Watching him grow. Kissing away his ouchies. Rocking him to sleep. Playing rubber ducky. Teaching him. Eating messy, delicious food. Chasing him across the room. Laughing. Seeing all the light bulbs go off in his head. It is all AMAZING!

Leadership in the Classroom

2009-09-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Today at high noon President Obama will be giving a speech to our children in school. You can read what he will be saying here at this link

http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/

There has been great controversy and debate over this speech....which in the end has led to a great speech...in my opinion.

If Hunter was in grade school I would welcome the chance for him to hear every word of this message our President delivers today. This was my favorite part....it even makes me want to solve problems, make discoveries and do something big, something powerful for our country...

"So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America."

How does it make you feel?

I hope you have that...

2009-09-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

No matter how HARD my day is

I will always have this special place I can go...

Just knowing that he is there....lifts the heaviest weights.

His voice...hearing his voice when I am about to crumble to the floor in defeat....his voice reminds me that I can, that I am capable and it is OK to sit and rest a minute, regain my strength and composure...then keep going....because quiting is not an option.

Quiting is giving up....giving in to someone or something else on their terms.

FINISH the race, the project, the day....you will always have the strength...the endurance...the sense of completion.

I hope you have that...special person...who sits with you a minute while you catch your breath...who picks you back up...who loves you every second of every day...I hope you have that.

Go horsey...I mean doggy

2009-09-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

Seperation

2009-09-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

This is the first step in hulling...removing the hull and shell from the almond. Then comes the task of separating it so that you are only left with the almond...so that at the end you have something that looks like this....

It is all about separation. I think of it like a coin machine....separating nickles, dimes, quarters and pennies. These screens have holes the size of almonds...the almonds fall through but everything else stays on top.

Hulling and Shelling Almonds is a true art form. You have to adjust the machinery to just the right settings in order to avoid chipping and scratching....Then the screens all have to be set just right in order to separate out all of the hull, shell and other foreign material like sticks.

We have been running the Huller for 2 weeks straight now and we are finally in the groove. Quality is pristine and separation is the key!

precious moments

2009-09-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

This child of mine is as busy a bumble bees these days....he runs here, touches that, climbs on this and all the while talking about how much fun he is having. Then when he falls asleep he is peaceful and quiet like a river after white water rapids. I love when he falls asleep in my arms...that is the second best feeling I have ever felt in my life.

The first of course is when my husband is holding me...every worry, every tense muscle, all my thoughts of work and house keeping .... it all disappears the minute he wraps his arms around me...and I fall asleep loved.

Perfect People

2009-09-02T10:13:00.001-07:00

People are mean.

People like to laugh at others, belittle, and point out every mistake ... all becuase it makes them feel better, bigger, and more important.

People say they are Christians and priase God .... and do not act like it.

People like to look good, feel good and be right....even if they are not.

People like to fight.

There are no perfect people. Amy Grant's new song hits a soft part in my heart that makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs and be the best, nicest, most loving person I can be.

"There is no such thing as perfect people.

There is no such thing as a perfect life.

So come as you are, broken and scared.

Lift up your heart and be amazed.

Be changed, by your perfect GOD."

This song takes away my anger....and my pain. I do not want to be hurt or angered by these imperfect people....I just want to love them and show them where healing begins.

I am not perfect.

And that is OK with me.

I am broken....amazed....and changed.... You?

Keep your nose to the ground...

2009-08-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

I keep trying to remind myself to just keep my nose down and focus on the task at hand. Harvest is here and it has come on stronger this year than any before....literally we went from nothing here to full in a matter of 2 days. This intense rush of product left me no choice but to work on Sunday.

During harvest there a few key components of the process that could cripple us. Empty trailers is one. We have 30 sets of trailers that the almonds are hauled in from the field to our place to be processed. If a truck arrives with a full load it will need to drop the full load and pick up an empty to take back to the field....if we run out of empties because they are all full then the trucks wait. When the trucks wait...then the fields and farmers wait...

Saturday we were not able to empty enough trailers for the farmers that were harvesting so there was no choice but to work Sunday.

Hunter and I jumped into the car around 6:30 and met up with a few of the finest people at Monte Vista Farming to get some trailers emptied. Hunter insisted on being the supervisor and drove around in the golf cart waving at people all morning. It was fun to have him with me...

These next few months are going to be full of almonds...and more work than I could ever realistically do. So I have to shut up, keep my nose to the ground and get done as much as I can. The good part is that moment I walk through the door I see Hunter's beaming smile and I am instantly recharged and ready to just be with him.

People need to work harder...me too. We all need to strap in, stop complaining and put our heads down to get the work done. There is always something that needs to be done.

Lunch

2009-08-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Step by Step

2009-08-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

Just a few months ago I was worried he would not walk...all the other boys his age are walking...is what I kept thinking....

God is GOOD. He is teaching me that he is in control and that is about HIS timing.

Now, Hunter is running, playing, falling and getting back up again!!

Riding Alone

2009-08-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

What a Big Boy!! No tears!!

Squash Man

2009-08-21T08:10:00.001-07:00

My little man loves his veggies! This is one of the last squash from our garden...it was HUGE. Hunter could not even hold it by himself. Having a garden has encouraged me to explore cooking and all of the options I have to cook squash a million different ways...it has been fun.

I still have cucumber coming off the vine every week...and we all know how much Wade loves his cucumber!

This is the first garden that I have ever planted and it brought so many fun moments into our lives. I like the healthy fresh food, I love cooking it all up in fun, new ways and more than anything I am ecstatic to know that Hunter is learning about agriculture...it is a HUGE part of my life and sharing a bit of that with him gives me hope that he too will have a place in his heart for agriculture.

So Many Emotions...

2009-08-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was reading a post from a blog I follow and he posted this picture and asked what it made you feel when you saw it.

I feel so many things...

Angry that this is the reality of the world

Curious if I could be that strong?

Sad to see the hate, how sad her heart must of been knowing they hated her without knowing her.

These Caucasian women are so ugly.

I bet they call themselves Christian.

What can I do today to follow through with the movement for equality she started?

What can I do to protect Hunter from being hated or hating based on skin color?

I love this woman. I want to walk beside her.

How does this picture make you feel?

Shake, Rattle and Roll

2009-08-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

It is that time...time to shake, rattle and roll...Almond Harvest is happening across the valley of California. The Nonpareil variety is the type you see above. It has a softer shell and it is the most common and most expensive variety of almond eaten in America. The almond has three parts, the hull, the shell and the meat or almond nut. As you can see the hull is split open naturally and ready to come off the tree. The farmers have one goal in mind at this stage of harvest...

that one goal is that as they shake loose all the almonds from the tree and that they all fall nicely to the ground. They do not want any to stick to the tree and not shake loose....it is like leaving money on the tree.

Once all of the almonds are shaken from the tree they will stay on the ground for around a week. They will dry out to around 5% moisture before they will be ready to have the hull and shell removed.

I was able to get a bit of mud on my boots today out in the field. I LOVE being out there...not only does it not happen that often, but every time I am in the field I learn more that makes me better at what I do in the plant. Just as in every task of life the more you know about what you are doing, the better you are...Happy Harvesting...

Health Care

2009-08-12T09:07:00.000-07:00

When I was in college political debate and discussion was as much a part of my daily routine as drinking water. I participated in not only national political debate as you know it, but also in campus politics through student government. I loved a healthy, organized conversation about the rules, programs and guidelines that govern our lives...and the fees or taxes that paid for them. Student government was perfect. We had order, Robert rules of Order, that gave us each an avenue to be heard equally and fairly. Each of us students came with open minds and an attitude of service...we honestly wanted what was best for Cal Poly and each student that attended. We did not please each of the students with every decision, but we heard each one and with open minds and with kind words talked about the what and why of each choice. We voted and the outcome was supported by all. Democracy at it's BEST.

Now that I am in the real world living my life just like most average women my age...making babies, working full time, paying taxes, cooking dinner and watching the evening news...I cannot help but get SICK to my stomach as I watch this health care debate unfold. I am not in college anymore...

I am a conservative republican, obviously right...I want all Americans to reap what they sow, I want to help out those in need with an unconditional heart of a servant, I want smart, kind teachers in all schools and all children to attend, everyone to speak English or be learning to speak English plus whatever additional languages they choose, I want smooth roads, clean air, healthy food, a safe and protected nation, I want people held accountable for their poor choices that end in the pain of someone else and I am willing to see my taxes go toward these things...

I love Democrats...them more liberal the better. A few of my favorite people on this planet are as blue as they come. I enjoy hearing what they have to say. They open my eyes and my heart to things I may have not understood any other way...but I do not always agree. As Americana's why do we all have to agree? I have a tendency to change to the topic...not share my thoughts in worry that I would anger or upset someone. We all need to be more tolerant, more understanding, more willing to just open up and speak from the heart and listen with full intention of understanding.

I see a multitude of abuse of the government. It makes me feel like I am working hard to pay for someone else to be lazy and spend my money. If they need help to get on their feet...great I will be the first in line to approve that spending...but the truth I see with my own eyes is that I am paying for someone else to put their children in day care why they watch soap operas and eat food paid for by food stamps....I am watching children be held behind because others in class do not speak English and therefore cannot learn the lessons...banks are bailed out and bailing out people walking away from homes just because everyone else is doing it while I am paying my mortgage and paying the ultimate price of watching the value of my home rapidly decline....hospital charges and doctor fees are all high, very high because those that do not pay...costs get absorbed through higher prices for those that do pay....and it goes on

We have issues. The heath care system has issues and needs to be fixed...but is a socialized medical program the answer? I do not know. I would be open to discussion, debate and research....I would love to see all American people be educated with this research and then come together to vote. The way it is being handled today is HURTFUL and DISRESPECTFUL to both sides. It is time for change I agree, and firsthand I know change is difficult and it hurts....but not like this....this is not the progress of healthy change... it is dictation and corruption of power. I have hope for this country. I have faith that God will bring healing and peace...and that we will be led to quite pastures and still waters where we can come together and make choices we all can at least respect....in the meantime we should all watch our tongues and encourage kind intelligent conversation about possible solutions.

God Bless America

Land that I love

Stand beside her and guide her

Through the night with the light from above

Wedding Rings

2009-08-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

When I think about my wedding ring so many thoughts flood my mind. First, my love, my husband...I think of him on his knee in our living room...I think of our wedding day as he made a promise to me and placed it on my finger...I think of how much my heart swells with love, adoration and pride to know that I am his and he is mine. Thank you Lord for this man, for giving him a heart for me.

I also think about my great grandma Winey. It has been along time since she cut the crust from my peanut butter and honey sandwich or played a game of bridge with me....a long time....but I still remember her as vividly as I remember an event 10 minutes ago. She would rub lipstick onto her cheeks to "brighten them up a bit" and she would tuck money away on her bra "just in case" and she would adorn her neck with a string of colored beads and her ring finger with a diamond from the love of her life. I remember this precious diamond on her hand...and as I look at my own hand with that same diamond I think of her. Would she be proud? Would she love Wade? What words of encouragement and love would she whisper into my ear? I miss her.

Last night Wade and I were sitting on the couch exhausted after battling with Hunter to fall asleep as he is cutting a second molar (poor kid)...Wade looked over to my hand, took off his wedding ring and jokingly said "I guess I do not have to wear my ring either". You see I rarely wear my ring these days. Ever since I gave birth to Hunter it irritates my finger and a red itchy rash appears. On top of that I work in an almond packing plant and it is not only a dirty place for a sparkly ring, but the ring could be a food safety hazard at times...so unless we are going out for dinner on the weekend or it a special occasion the ring sits in the safe. It was not until last night that I knew this bothered Wade. The more I thought about it the more I realized if Wade was not wearing his ring, for whatever understandable reason, it would bother me too.

Rings ARE a big deal...a HUGE deal. They are the one physical symbol of the deep, faithful love between my husband and I. I NEED to find a way to get that ring on and KEEP it on.